Thoughts Last Longer than Words: 2010

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Dear brain, sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him.

Dear tummy, sorry for all the butterflies.

Dear pillow, sorry for all the tears.

Dear heart, sorry for all the damage.

Dear me, sorry for being head-over-heels in love with him.

"Sometimes we have thoughts that even we don't understand. Thoughts that aren't even true—that aren't really how we feel—but they're running through our heads anyway because they're interesting to think about."

I'm fine. I mean, not that I'm over it,but little by little it's getting easier to pretend it's easier, which means easier might be right around the corner.

"I wanted people to trust me, despite anything they'd heard. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors. To see beyond the relationships I once had, or maybe still had but that they didn't agree with.

Stop running after them. Just stop it. Sit down, read a book, watch the tv, go to sleep. If it's really meant to be, they'll turn around and be like, "Wait. She's not chasing after my ass anymore," and then he'll stand up, put down that book, and run like the wind to get you back.

She calls him early because she knows he'll be asleep. She leaves a message after the beep. She says she's better now but she's still incomplete. She's trying hard to make her voice sound soft and sweet. A couple of hours pass until he picks up the phone. He wasn't ready for the shock, he holds his breath now. He plays the message twice and then the dial tone. Reminds him that she's not around. It's a lonely sound.

“ At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

“ I love what you are, and what you do and how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength that carries you through. I’ve seen the best of you. I’ve seen the worst of you.  And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. And I love you..

“ Half of our mistakes in life arise from feeling when we ought to think, and thinking when we ought to feel. John Churton

“ You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of a sudden, even though you have someplace where you can put your stuff. That idea of home is gone. It just sort of happens one day& it’s just gone. & you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean, it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all a family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

I lied when I told you I forgot. I know it doesn't seem like a big thing but I wanted to tell you the truth and never, ever lie to you.

Because that's how it starts.

"What do you really want?" I asked him impatiently.

"You, I want you," he replied.

I wasn't buying it. I turned to walk away, when he stopped me.

"I want that part of you that gets excited when you hear the

ice cream truck. The part that cries when old people die in movies.

The part that cares much more than what she wears.

The part where she can totally be herself.

The part that when I look at her, I only see her.

The part where she could never give up a stuffed animal,

cause she'll feel bad for it. The part where she wants me, too.

That's what I really want"

I want to be the smile, the first thought,

the long drive or the short walk, the last voice,

the random cal, the sweet dream, the perfect kiss,

the comfort hug, the sparkle in your eye.

The everything you need,

just what you want.

I want to be yours.

Some things don't last forever, but some things do.

Like a good song, or a good book,

or a good memory you can take out

and unfold in you darkest times,

pressing down on the corners and peering in close,

hoping you still recongnize the person you see there.

Unlike him,

I can't just walk away.

I can't forget what we had.

It's not that easy for me to let go or

something that was once my life.

I guess unlike him,

it actually mattered to me.

I want to spend all my days with you...

Wrestling over remotes; playing in the mud.

Throwing each other in pools. Fighting over the last piece of cheesecake.

Killing each other over which TV show we're going to watch.

And then not watching it anyways. I want to make you mad

and then kiss you. I want you and me. Forever

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is

that they always see the past better then it was,

the present worse then it is, and the future

less resolved then it will be.

Face it boy,

you could've had her.

You lost your chance,

you should've moved faster.

She's sick of waiting,

she's finally moved on.

Sorry boy, your chance is gone.

You wrapped your arms around me,

pressing your body against mine.

And in that moment of perfection,

I knew we were meant to be.

I never wanted you to let go of me.

It's best we don't even talk at all,

don't call me even if I should cross your mind.

It's hard enough; I don't need to hear your voice on my messages.

Let's just call it quits, it's probably better. So if I'm not returning your calls,

it's cause I'm not coming back, I'm closing the door.

I used to be tripping' over missing you, but I'm not anymore.

Here's a toast

To the good days, the better friends.

The ones that you just can't live without.

The people that have taught you hot to party.

How to live. How to have a good time just sitting around.

Here are to the people that matter how bad things seems,

are going to be there for you. To lean back on and catch you if you fall.

So here's to you and here's to me,

living our lives separately.

It's a great big world &

I'm a single girl.

So I'm glad I'm leaving,

I won't shed a single tear,

wishing that I had you here.

I don't need a man to hold my hand.

I'm stronger than you think I am.

-Stronger Than You Think I Am, Rachel Ferguson

She’s hurt; mentally and emotionally.

But everyday, she walks outside

with a smile on her face,

because that’s just who she is;

the girl who never stopped smiling.

This is for the girls who don't always win,

who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to the impossible.

The girls who laugh, smile, cry and think all on a daily basis.

The girls who like, learn, and regret.

The girls who may never have it easy.

The girls who learn the hard way and live to tell about.

Maybe we like the pain.

Maybe we're wired that way.

Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying?

Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?

Because it feels so good when I stop.

-Grey's Anatomy

We're all strangers to our parents;

they love us, but they don't really know us.

And sometimes before we get a chance to know them, they're gone.

And then you can't ask them all the things you want to know

about turnips or turkey gizzards or what they were like when they were young.

Then you never can know them, not really. Because it's too late.

- Dawson's Creek

I realize that overall, you weren't really worth it.

There were moments with you that made me really happy,

but majority of the time you just shut me out.

That's why this summer I'll try to get over you. We might've had something really great, but I guess we'll never know.

I'll never forget the good times with you, but I'll also never forget how you hurt me more than any other boy.

Now Her, She's a different story.

Her heart is currently broken.

Watch her, in all her glory.

Her smile is fake and it's well spoken.

She cries more than needed

and those tears on her cheek

are proof that she's never exceeded

But according to every guy, she's a charm

& yet she still sits there smiling;;

regardless of all the fake friends.

& the dreams that were broken.

because she will never let you see her down.

You've never lived a life without you. You can't.

And you have no idea how lucky that makes you.

Because I have lived a life without you. And a

life like that, isn't really worth living.

©alyssa-oxx

I won't tell you that I never think about him anymore, because that would just be a boldfaced lie.

Yeah, I still think about him from time to time,

but when I do think about him, I no longer smile,

and my stomach no longer gets queasy.

Of course, Ill never forget him, you just can't do that, but the thought of him doesn't make me happy anymore.

©apatheticaspirations

Everyone's heartbroken nowadays, but I mean, we all just gotta move on.

What's the point of reminiscing when you know the person is no longer worthwhile;

when they're no longer who they used to be?

When their heart is somewhere else? Do you think they still care for you,

still sit there thinking about you? Because frankly, they don't.

Music is a moral law.

It gives soul to the universe,

wings to the mind, flight to the imagination,

and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.

-Plato

I'm not gonna be like every other girl and put sad, I miss you, quotes in my profile because I'm stronger than that. And I won't trash talk you to my friends either because you were my best. And I'm not going to put winky faces in my away messages that have no meaning just so you'll be jealous. And yeah, it'll be a while before I'm completely over you. But when the day comes that you don't cross my mind, and I finally do forget you for good, please don't remember me.

She's one of those girls who doesn't know what she's doing, but she wants to know everything will be worth it one day. She isn't amazing at one thing, just good at a lot of things, and thats all she'll ever be. She wishes she could be different, but she lives her life to the fullest anyway. All she truly needs is love to keep her sane. She looks at her world like its a book, with pages being read everyday. She's her own worstenemy and hardest critic. She knows she has flaws and tries to accept them, even though she knows she never fully will. More than anything, though, she just wants to make a difference one day, and she wants someone to remember her name.

After a time, you would forget.

First, you would forget his chin, and then his nose,

and after a while, you would struggle to remember the exact color of his eyes,

and one day you wake up and, pfft, he's gone:

his voice, his smell, his face. He will have left you.

And then you can begin again.

-French Kiss

But, you know I will always love you. Just because I'm calling it quits... it doesn't mean that I don't love you. It doesn't mean that you still aren't a big part of me, because trust me... you are.

And the weird part is, when we talk, we don't even flirt. But I can still feel the connection coursing through the air. I don't laugh more than usual, I don't twirl my hair around my finger, he doesn't poke me, or reach for my hands. It's like we don't need those juvenile, high school type things to show our love. It's more than that. And it feels amazing.

she thinks about you nonstop and you're all she talks about. when she talks to you she always has that goofy smile and she truly looks happy. with one hug, you make her melt and you always leave her with butterflies. but at the same time, when she's upset it's usually because of you, but she refuses to see any bad in you. and no matter how many people try and tell her different, she believes you're perfect for her and worth every second of the wait. but she's too scared to tell you any of this because she doesn't want to screw anything up and doesn't want to end up hurt.

you think i'll sweep my heart up off the floor and give it to you, like so many times before. well, you're talking to a stranger; i'm not that girl anymore. that girl is long gone. boy you missed the boat, it just sailed away. long gone, she's not drowning in her yesterdays. bet you never thought i'd be this strong. i'm not the kind of girl that keeps making the

i miss you. not in the cute lovey dovey way; but in a fucking miss you so much it hurts. my world hasn't been the same since you walked out of my life. i wish i could tell you i'm doing fine without you, trust me, i do. but boy, oh boy, you broke my heart. i wish i could tell you that i'm happy without you in my life, but i'm really not. i really miss you.

it doesn't matter anymore; i guess things happen for a reason. tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how it's supposed to be. moving on is a process and you have to promise yourself that you're really ready to let go.

eighteen.

if she doesn't like you, she just doesn't like you. and there's a really good chance that there's nothing you can do about it. it does not mean that there is anything wrong with you, because a lot of the time, us crazy girls don't have a good reason for not liking guys. he could be funny, sweet, smart, and amazing in every way, but when we look at him, we don't get butterflies in our stomach. if we don't look forward to your texts or seeing you every day, then we just don't like you. there was nothing you did or didn't do to cause this, and the only thing you can do is get over her. because there's good odds that if she doesn't like you, she's not going to like you, and i promise you there is a girl out there for you. there's a girl that gets butterflies when you make her smile, a girl that is always smiling because of you. there's a girl that instantly responds to your text messages, because she thrives on talking to you. i promise. you'll find her. chances are she's right there, you just got to get over this girl that just doesn't like you. it's not your fault kid, she just doesn't like you.

but mostly, i cried because my life had been going full speed for so long and now it had just stopped, like running right into a big brick wall, knocking the wind and the fight right out of me. and i didn't know if i ever even wanted to get up and start breathing again.

-dreamland by sarah dessen

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The most important thing in life is to be happy; nothing else matters.

"Now that you've seen what I'm really like, can you still bear to look at me?"

"Yes, easily."

"I'm thirty-nine years old. I've got a wife that I can't get rid of. I've got varicose veins. I've got five false teeth."

"I couldn't care less," said the girl.

-Nineteen Eighty-Four

do you know why people hate to admit they are lonely? it's because when you do, everyone thinks that something is wrong with you. they think "i have people in my life, why don't you?" but the strange thing is, you can have people in your life and still be alone. no one knows that better than i do.

don't worry babe, you will see me again. you'll see me with a guy who treats me right. one that knows how to love me. you'll see all you could have had. and you'll regret. regret like hell. regret letting me go. but the thing i want you to miss the most? you'll see; i survived without you.

don't worry, he'll miss you. you're the best he could he get, and he blew it. don't let him make you think of one second that this was your fault. it's not. he screwed up, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. you gave him your heart, and you trusted him to keep it and protect it, but he couldn't. and honestly, he's not mature enough. he's not smart enough. if he was smart, he would have cared for you with every fiber of his being and been with you every spare second he could. but he didn't and now he's gone. but don't you cry. don't call him telling him you miss him. don't text him, don't message him, don't comment him, and don't talk to him in the hallways.

put your phone down and step away. sorry honey, but he's not calling today.

it makes me mad when someone says "I miss you." good, you should miss me. i'm absolutely miss-able. but it's you, you're choosing everyday not to be with me. so if you miss me, i don't care. i don't miss you.

don't follow something you really mean with 'just kidding' to make things less awkward. make someone stand there and fidget around without knowing what to say. because no matter how they react, you put yourself out there. laid it on the table. poured out your soul.

My mom used to say to me, 'You can't have fun all the time,' and I used to say, 'Why not? Why the fuck can't I have fun all the time?' -Kate Moss

i'm too stressed. and it's the worst kind of stress. it's the deep down stress that doesn't show until you're in the middle of math class and suddenly you're about to cry.

don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing you'll always be there waiting.

what is more important; what we become, or how we become it?

two.

and there's these kids i used to know, ya know, before high school happened? and most of the time, i forget about them. i mean, i have the now to live in, the new best friends, and the recent guys who broke my heart, and the guy that i want to fix it right now. but then there are times, i don't know, i'll run into a yearbook or get a random status comment from one of them on facebook, and it'll get me thinking. these kids were the real friends. they were there before i discovered hair straighteners and eyeliner. they were my friends before i realized that, well, being a bitch isn't always the best course to take. they all watched me change, and yeah, a lot of them were still there after i became what i am now. but then we separated. different high schools, new friends. it's all in the past. we're all added on facebook and myspace and twitter, and we all have each other's cell phone numbers. but it doesn't matter. we're never going to hang out again. we're never going to tell each other the playground secrets. it's all over. and well, i guess sometimes i miss them. most times, it doesn't matter. but there are days that u would give all of this up to have those kids back in my life.

you've got to risk love. it doesn't mean that you're never going to get hurt, but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love.

three.

and then i felt sad because i realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed.

if she could show you how much you hurt her, you'd never be able to look her in the eyes again.

sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

-the fray

part of me wanted to confront him and demand to know everything. while i was lying in my bed, i had imagined what i would say. but i knew myself too well to think i would really have the guts to do it.

how many times have you wanted to just sit down in a boy's lap and start kissing him but didn't for fear he'd laugh in your face? in a way an, annoying girl is in us, minus the insecurity. she's so fine with herself, you want to slap her. but you also secretly wish you could be that obnoxious without any concern for what people might think.

you're a rational human being. you can determine when someone deserves a second chance. but when it's a second chance with your feelings, it's tough to stay objective. how many times have we said, "never again." only to return to someone that's hurt us in the past because they're comfortable. i think we need to remember that, odds are, this time won't be different. this person doesn't get another shot at breaking your heart. don't be fooled twice.

sometimes, when i can't sleep, i just think of the old times. the way we used to sprint upstairs as soon as the house was empty and just kiss on your bed, my skin against yours. the afternoons when we'd roll around tickling each other and squealing with laughter. and sometimes, the only way i can fall asleep is to go back to the times when we'd lay face to face, my head on your chest and we'd fall asleep together.

when everything's said and done, i have to thank you. sure, you completely screwed me over. but, you also showed me i'm strong enough to get through even the worst heart ache.

we're just one big walking disaster. and yeah, my life would probably be a whole hell of a lot easier if i just walked out that door right now. i know that. but the thing is, i already know that there's not one fucking thing on the other side of the door that could ever come close to making me as happy as i am when i'm with you. that's why i'm here, because i love you. no matter how hard things get, no matter what shit life throws at us, there's nowhere else i'd rather be. i want to spend the rest of my life right here, right next to you.

i have strict rules about thinking about you. i can't. ever. i can't think of your name, or how you look when you're happy, or the sound of your laugh. i can't do it. because when i do, i fall apart.

so now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too.

-p.s. i love you

there were times when he caught me, but more times when he let me fall. and it finally came time for me to learn that i could pick myself up off the ground and walk away.

there's no such thing as a grown up. we move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own, but the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. we get bigger, we get taller, we get older, but for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids running around the playground trying desperately to fit in.

-grey's anatomy

"are you okay?" why do people say it? does "i'm fine." honestly satisfy you? if so, you don't mean what you're asking. i mean, come on, look in my eyes, i'm not okay. you know i'm not okay. and you asking if i'm okay is just reminding me how badly i'm not. i want someone to reach out a little farther than just, "are you okay?" instead of a question, make it a statement. you're okay. it's gonna be okay. it would mean so much more. we all need to look a little deeper. nobody is ever okay.

another thing that happens in the movies; they all have these dramatic crises where everything looks bleak and you think the couple will never, ever get back together. but then they realize that they can't live without each other, and in the end they live happily ever after. it's all a lie. when you hate someone you used to love, and you think he's done something awful, he probably has. you're not going to love him again. he's not going to apologize, or come back to you. he probably doesn't even ever think about you at all, because he's too busy thinking about someone else. face it. there's not going to be a happy ending. at least not with this hero. so don't go mooning around thinking that your breakup is only the crisis before the big romantic scene, because i'm here to tell you that it's not. when you are dumped, you are dumped, and the guy isn't going to change his mind and realize that suddenly he loves you instead of that girl he's flirting with in the refectory, now that he's free.

-the boyfriend list by e. lockhart

the past is annoying. it always shows up. in everybody's words. in every song you hear. in every block you walk. and you never get rid of it. no matter how hard you try.

Everything you have been told is a lie. Things don't happen for a reason. They just occur and you must deal with it, good or bad. People will always leave you because the potential for better is there thanks to the media. They do not care if they have to step on top of you to get to euphoria. Everybody has somebody they use. And everybody, everybody lies. They all get mad and say things they don't mean. But once they are said, they are out there, unable to be shoved back down your throat. Watch your tongue, but even more importantly, watch your back. There is always someone standing there ready to stab you.

Just once, I want to be hard to leave. I want someone staying up all night thinking only of me.

I didn't walk away because I fell out of love. I left because I was tired of fooling myself into thinking that this was anything like love.

It always works out in the movies. Always. And yeah, this isn't a movie, this is life, but you might as well pretend like it's a movie. Tell yourself that your life is a movie and that in the end, it's all going to work out. That way, you'll be more confident. Confidence is not only more attractive, but you'll be more likely to take risks, and you won't doubt yourself. With more confidence, you will succeed, and it will work out.

Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it's caving in on you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". It's saying "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel". I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And if you don't know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.

The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page. -St. Augustine

Don't blame someone for drinking too much alcohol, acting crazy, even flirt sometimes and for changing. The most common reason behind this is that they're just trying to recapture the feeling when they were still in love with someone. For it was a different feeling, not just any kind of happiness we could actually find everyday.

Monday, November 8, 2010

I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING. I WROTE THIS FOR YOU. I WROTE THIS FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU. EVERYONE ELSE WHO READS IT, DOESN’T GET IT. THEY MAY THINK THEY GET IT, BUT THEY DON’T. THIS IS THE SIGN YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. YOU WERE MEANT TO READ THESE WORDS

Until you are no longer the pictures that chase me down a flight of screens each night. Until the the part of me that you first touched, forgets.

This isn't me missing you. This is me missing the me I used to be.

This isn't me.

the lies are twenty stories high.

Joan of Arc came back as a little girl in Japan, and her father told her to stop listening to her imaginary friends.

Elvis was born again in a small village in Sudan, he died hungry, age 9, never knowing what a guitar was.

Michelangelo was drafted into the military at age 18 in Korea, he painted his face black with shoe polish and learned to kill.

Jackson Pollock got told to stop making a mess, somewhere in Russia.

Hemingway, to this day, writes DVD instruction manuals somewhere in China. He's an old man on a factory line. You wouldn't recognise him.

Gandhi was born to a wealthy stockbroker in New York. He never forgave the world after his father threw himself from his office window, on the 21st floor.

And everyone, somewhere, is someone, if we only give them a chance.

You are your hair and your eyes and your thoughts. You are what you look at and what you feel and what you do about it. The light from the sun is still a part of the sun. My thoughts of you are as real as any part of you.

I'd leave the memory of you at the station, if it didn't already know the way home.

"You're beautiful."

Replied the fly, to the spider

I do not have to look at the clock to know that it's midnight. I can feel the day rushing across the world, as fast as time.

But somewhere, there is a beach that time cannot reach. Where everyone and everything has always been and never was. And perhaps, you are there waiting for me.

In that place, time cannot touch.

Only because it's still so raw and real. Soon I'll just be a series of images that sometimes flash through your mind, when you least expect it. And after that, only a few will stay. Then, one. A memory of a memory.

Time never said

"Best you enjoy yourself now because we're going somewhere soon."

But that's what he meant.

And yet, you still find one thing to obsess over. One form not filled in. One call not returned.

Obviously, this means your entire life has been a failure.

I know you're just a rag doll now, sewn together with memories that we might have had.

I know you're just the dream inside of a dream

And don't worry, I know I don't know you, anymore.

I built a tower amongst the trees.

Where time waits amongst the leaves.

I use it to send out messages to the world.

In hope that one day, you'll find one, and then find me.

Waiting for you. Amongst the leaves.

Life is just the novel you write on your coffee break. And your novel is just a collection of lies you'd like to remember. And all that you remember, is the distance from here, to then.

I think you'll find you're mistaken. My name is clearly written across the front and I recognise the scratch down the side (that happened in high school). This is my heart. You can't just come here, and take it.

And I've tried to find happiness in a bigger TV, a car and a watch. I've tried to find happiness in power over others and the respect of the people around me. And I appreciate your patience, while you stand here, right in front of me.

Waiting for me to come to my senses.

This writer guy, he says that it's easy. You just sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. But what if you're running out of veins?

the stranger died as i walked out the door.

Not a second of my time with you was wasted. Now I know what not to do.

And now you're with someone else and I must go home, alone, to think about how long it takes to heal an alien heart.

The sun still, surprisingly, came up and shone down onto the cold, metal leftovers. No loud noises. No screams. No breaking glass. Just silence and sunshine. You would be forgiven for thinking that this all happened on another planet. It didn't.

And in you and in all of us, there is nothing more than the capacity to be a force for, or a force against. And to wonder, how many people wake up each morning and can't decide if they want to save the world, or destroy it.

This place is in my head and no matter where I run, it's always here, all around me. It's a big room and my voice echoes when I yell, and there are days when I think you couldn't make it to the other side if you tried.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

My mouth goes dry & tears start to flow. My arms become weak & my heart drops. I'd often imagined this day. Imagined what I'd do when they told me you were gone. But nothing in my wildest dreams could ever come close to this. It feels as if I'm being held under water fighting to come to the surface & not winning. It feels as if my entire world has fallen apart & I don't have the strength to pick up the pieces & go on. It feels as if they don't know what`s going on in my mind & in my heart, & that's cause they don't. They could never imagine your life meant this much to me. They say remember the good times, but I can't. The good times are what I miss the most. They say enough crying; life goes on. But it doesn't. Just let me be alone, with my tears, with my heart ache... with myself.

you can’t quit who you are: its a lifetime commitment or nothing.

This thing that you thought was the worst thing that could have happened turned out to be the best thing. that thing that didn’t looked much like help, turned out to be help

She wants to be the exception, you know?

That girl he falls for despite his guarded heart.

The one he’ll break down and admit his feelings

for, even if he has that whole unattainable

bad boy thing going on. She wants to be his

risk, his weakness She wants to be his.

I don't like standard beautiy. theres no beauty without strangeness.

She's a wild one, she was born to run. She's

never stopped for anyone and she's always

lived in the moment. She's not the kinda girl

that falls in love or makes plans. But with you,

boy, she did.

I can't stand him hurting me. I just can't stand

him using me but unlike him, I just can't walk

away; I can't forget what we had. It's not that

easy for me to let go of something that was

once my life. I guess it actually mattered to me.

I just a need a bit more time. Wanna hold you

in my arms tonight. I can't forget those bright

blue eyes. Can't forget the moment they met

mine. Please turn back the time.

Everyone tries to impress that special

someone, but if you can't get them by

being yourself they can't be all that special.

It's funny how when I found him,

he was everything I've wanted

and nothing I've been looking for.

You walk around like you're okay. Maybe you're

not, at least not today. The sun's not shining, but

there's no rain. This feeling of missing you is

driving me insane.

People say I have changed, the truth is I

haven't, just this time it's different,  this

time I am pleasing myself not everyone

else,   doing what I want to do, not what

I should. This time I'm being me.

Monday, October 18, 2010

I may be walking a long road, but at least i'm getting somewhere.

"To follow your heart is as simple as closing your eyes and listening to the rhythm of your soul song. Once you find the beat, you will always walk in tune."

the ache of nightmares.

I have a million wishes for the future, and even if i had a dandelion for every wish, i could never have the time to wish for them all.

Monday, October 11, 2010

quotes from my poem document

And when we wrote this story, how did it end? It was you and me for all our lives. Go on, don't say it, we'll try again and if I just hold you we could last. And if you go, I won't believe that it's forever, and you can go, I'll never leave, 'cause it's not over. I'll wait for you, but there's nothing now I can do.

i didn't "fall" in love with you, that would be accidental... Instead, I knew what I was doing, I knew the risk I was taking... You see, I jumped into love, head on. And don't regret one minute.

First thought when I wake up is 'My God, he's beautiful'

so I put on my makeup and pray for a miracle

(Taylor Swift, I'd Lie)

"I have a voice, too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced." --'Heart of Darkness' by Joseph Conrad

Like a wand, everyone's Love is different, it feels a little different and has different cores and amounts of power.

"you may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but you sure are a pretty color."

stranger in a strange land by robert heinlein

My bounty is as deep as the sea,

My love as deep; the more I give to thee,

The more I have, for both are infinite.

-- William Shakespeare

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange – no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

a life without love is like a year without summer.

"People keep telling me that I fall in love too easily- that I should protect my heart, that I shouldn’t wear my heart on my sleeve…I fall in love at least 20 times a day. I fall in love with the sky and the sun and the flowers and my children. I fall in love with smiles, with music on the radio and with french fries and Dr. Pepper. I fall in love with the sound of laughter, blue jeans, accents… Sometimes I fall in love with complete strangers, especially the ones holding hands and kissing in public. The ones who aren’t afraid to be in love with the idea of being in love either….I don’t mind the pain of unrequited love so much, because I think they’re wrong. Love looks good on me."  -Natalie Anne Erlanson

She stood, in a room of crumbling plaster, pressed to the window-pane, looking up at the unattainable form of everything she loved. She did not know the nature of her loneliness. The only words that named it were: This is not the world I expected.  - Ayn Rand

Monday, September 13, 2010

"Some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty now that they're gone...."

Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

003. "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday." -- American Beauty

It was something I'd been missing, that I'd been longing for without even realizing it. It was a s sense of family. That's what it was. My throat closed up, got so tight I felt like I might cry. You just get to missing that so much, that feeling of everything in its right place. You just feel that loss so deeply that you don't ever give it a name... You just never knew where you might find your kindred ones. Usually you just walk and walk among people who are not of your tribe, and then suddenly, there you are, in a place that feels familiar and known.

- Wild Roses by Deb Caletti

She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew.

It's that feeling you get right in your core, when you look around, look at all the people you're surrounded by, and realize that these people are home.

0015. People ask me, "Why do you believe in God? How do you know God exists? What if God is a hoax?" But I mean, why do people believe in love? So many people kill each other; our world is degrading, divorces are at a all time high, & a lot of people cheat on one another. With all that, how can you believe in love? When you hear it like that, love just sounds like a hoax. But when you see love, when you feel love, it gives you this hope. That's why you hear about it all the time; that's why it's the biggest issue in our world. Love is something cliché as it sounds, it's truly unexplainable.

God is unexplainable. He sent his only son to die for us, us humans who are so

screwed up. Love is the very foundation our universe is built upon. Without love, none of us would be here.

0016. The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what's best for you,

even if it means breaking someone's heart, including your own.

- Chloe Higashida

I want to trace your scars with my fingertips, want to follow it's fracturing line. I think you should know how beautiful and brave you already are.

If you want to know the nature of love, look at a person when they have nothing left to give. And if they keep giving beyond that point -- that is love. To give when you don't have, to love when you can't love, to reach out when your hands are so weary that you can't even lift them.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Only love makes you run around in the rain without feeling cold. Only love numbs you out like that and still lets you feel every fucking cell in your body

I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.

Forget all those places that you've never really been. And all those situations you somehow found yourself in. Let your body sink into me -like your favorite memory, like a line of poetry, or a fucking fit of honesty.

Hello, how are you? I'm pretty sure we should be best friends. I'll walk you to school and tell you, "You look pretty," each new day. We'll learn about philosophy by drawing on our arms and build ourselves an alright house made out of uno cards. They'll say we're unconventional and maybe a little crazy. We'll ask them what's wrong with that, yeah, what's wrong with that?

[1] And you know what? I realized something last night. It's not that I want you to hold my hand, I just want you to reach for it.

[2] My mouth goes dry & tears start to flow. My arms become weak & my heart drops. I'd often imagined this day. Imagined what I'd do when they told me you were gone. But nothing in my wildest dreams could ever come close to this. It feels as if I'm being held under water fighting to come to the surface & not winning. It feels as if my entire world has fallen apart & I don't have the strength to pick up the pieces & go on. It feels as if they don't know what`s going on in my mind & in my heart, & that's cause they don't. They could never imagine your life meant this much to me. They say remember the good times, but I can't. The good times are what I miss the most. They say enough crying; life goes on. But it doesn't. Just let me be alone, with my tears, with my heart ache... with myself.

ven if you think the flame has died, there's at least one lyric that'll hit that last hot spot, and then you'll find yourself as fucked as you were the day you lied and said you never wanted to see him again

[4] You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You're a chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chine and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a 'wild thing,' and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west of Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

(Breakfast at Tiffany's)

Life is the ability to feel so happy, you think your insides are going to explode. It's being so upset or disappointed, you feel as if your stomach just dropped ten feet out of place. It's running so hard, you can barely breathe. It's the feeling of panic when you know you've been caught doing something wrong. It's having that sudden rush before you kiss someone you care about. It's opening your eyes and feeling them sting because you spent the whole night crying. It's letting people go because new ones come in, and all the while realizing that life doesn't have a purpose unless you let it.

[6] They sit still and wait to dance while the evening hours end because they’re existing for the chance that you’ll ask them out again. Don’t believe in what they say, because you can’t do this on your own. In the night they break away, and you’re left captured all alone. Raise the price upon your life and the heartache that it brings. Watch these feathers fall from our skies as the angels lose their wings. Though the seasons always change, I am written on these stones. Don’t forget the burdens you gave every wrong to me alone. Don’t walk away from me, it’s the tragedy of night. You can’t see this on your own, so take my hand and we’ll get by.

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be, but if you'll wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me. I promise you. I promise you I will.

You know what your problem is? You have no idea your worth. I'm serious, you don't know how beautiful you are. I mean, when I look at you, I shiver. And you can't even see it.

[2] Does it break my heart? Of course. Every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of. I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent. I never thought about things at all. Everything changed, and that distance wedged itself between me and my happiness. It wasn't the world, and it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings. It was me and my thinking, the cancer of never letting go. Is ignorance bliss? I don't know, but it's so painful to think. And tell me, what did thinking ever do for me? To what place did thinking ever bring me? I think and I think and I think. I've thought myself out of happiness a million times, but never once into it.

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle, and it's not so important, happy ever after, just that it's happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

[4] Everyone had a forever, but given a choice, this would be mine. The one that began in this moment, leaving me astounded, amazed, and most of all, alive.

Don't you dare tell me nothing matters. Everything matters. Every fucking drop of rain, every ray of sunlight, every wisp of cloud matters. And they matter because I can see them. And if I can see them, then they can see me. And I know that there's an entire world that cares out there, hiding behind a world that doesn't, afraid to show who it really is. And with or without you, I will drag that world out of the dirt and the blood and the muck until we live in it. Until we all live in it.

Sometimes when I look at you, and you're looking back at me, I can see something. This teeny-tiny hint of something more, something you're feeling but can't say. When our eyes meet, it's like we're instantly connected. And I know no one catches it but me and you, but I like it that way. It's like our own little secret...a place we go to when everything around us is crazy and we just need some semblance of normal. God, your eyes are gorgeous. There are times when I want nothing more than to look you in the eyes, cause it's when we're looking at each other in silence that we end up saying the most.

It's hard for decent people to stay angry at someone who has burst into tears, which is why it is often a good idea to burst into tears if a decent person is yelling at you.

(Lemony Snicket)

What have I learned of love?

Love does not need to be found, it surrounds us. It is everywhere, in everyone, in every moment; people just don’t look closely enough.

Love is no where near blind. Infatuation is blind. I think most people get these two mixed up quite frequently. Love is noticing everything about someone, seeing every imperfection, memorizing their expressions, realizing that everyone has flaws, but choosing them anyway.

Love should never be an accident. It should be a conscious decision to step off that cliff and pray to God that you’re caught. There should be no hesitation, no second guessing, just a full on commitment. Lukewarm love is not love at all.

To love with everything you have, that is bravery in its truest form.

Love never ends. Once you’ve taken that leap, you can’t decide you want to turn around and go back. You never stop loving someone, no matter how hard you might try. They will always be a part of you, even if you don’t speak to them for 50 years and have found happiness with someone else.

I love the feeling after a good run. Or the feeling when my favorite song is on full blast in the car, driving through the country air. I like when my mom makes my favorite meal. I like traveling to nowhere, getting lost, and then the best part, being found. I like being held by someone who means a lot to me, especially when I haven't seen them in awhile. We always complain there isn't enough time. Or that these moments never come around enough. It's true that we never stop growing old, and we mature faster than we'd like. But time is the essence of life, and it brings change and surprise. I like watching the people I care for get older, change, become who they're suppose to be. Sometimes we all wish to go back, to repeat a moment, or pause it forever. But we need change, even when we don't want it. The cards are placed and time brings us closer to our destination. All the while as we travel through.. the things we love doing, the people we share our life with, that's the destiny. We're not suppose to end up anywhere, we're suppose to make the best of this journey.

Everyone is taught to look both ways before crossing the street and to talk quietly in the library. But no one ever learns anything that matters, like how to keep breathing when your heart breaks in half.

i didn't "fall" in love with you, that would be accidental... Instead, I knew what I was doing, I knew the risk I was taking... You see, I jumped into love, head on. And don't regret one minute.

First thought when I wake up is 'My God, he's beautiful'

so I put on my makeup and pray for a miracle

(Taylor Swift, I'd Lie)

Turn up the radio and sing your lungs out. Cause kid, this is it, and this is all it ever will be. So get used to it, suck it up, and just live your life.

[1] Meredith: I can't, I can't remember our last kiss. All I could think about was, "I'm going to die today and I can't remember our last kiss," which is pathetic. But the last time we were together and happy, I... want to be able remember that, and I can't Derek. I can't remember.

Derek: I'm glad you didn't die today.

(Derek starts to walk away but stops)

Derek: It was a Thursday morning, you were wearing that ratty little "Dartmouth" T-shirt you look so good in, the one with the hole in the back of the neck. You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of... flower. I was running late for surgery. You said you were going to see me later, and you leaned to me, you put your hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. It was quick. Kind of like a habit. You know, like we'd do it everyday for the rest of our lives. And you went back to reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed.

(Grey's Anatomy)

[2] Some people don't know how to fall in love, like not knowing how to swim. They panic first when they jump in. then they figure it out.

Girls were born knowing how destructive the truth could be. They learned to hold it in, tamp it down, like gunpowder in an old-fashioned gun. Then it exploded in your face, on a November day in the rain.

She moves with grace, yet she stumbles and trips. You'll hear a break of laughter as she smiles, an outburst of noise. The perfection is there if you crawl underneath the first layer of mistakes and insecurities, and there you'll see the person worth listening to, the one that most people try to find in themselves, and the one that she never saw in herself.

You see suns that never were and stare at skies that don't exist. You listen to songs that were never played and read books that were never written. And your mind is so beautiful and full. But I'm glad it's not mine.

'm not shouting for a successful relationship at this point. I'm just looking for something that will prevent me from throwing myself in front of a bus.

[8] You don't know this yet, but life isn’t supposed to be like this. It’s not supposed to be this hard.
(Grey's Anatomy)

I just want to breathe in this feeling and never let it out. You just gave me something to believe in. You are the one thing I can't live without.

[10] Tell me how I got this far
Tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time I sleep
You're always there
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
(Yellowcard, Everywhere)

And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.

[2] I wish that my head was my own notebook. I wish every single one of my thoughts were written down. Okay, it doesn't have to be a notebook. It can be an air sick bag for all I care. I am this person inside my head I could only dream to be. She's so open, so alive, she's so thoughtful and she is brilliant. She dreams of things I cant imagine on seeing. She sees colors, not words or people. She sees rainbows of colors. She is life. She breathes flowers and exhales master pieces of art. She excels in education, music, and art. She is the person I can only be in my head. I'll keep her there. She's safe there. She hasn't been hurt, she hasn't seen pain. In my eyes, there's still hope for her. I bet her heart is full of love and compassion. The kind of compassion that's been torn from my eyes, my heart, and my finger tips. Her lips are untouched and so soft. I could only imagine what she is capable of. I'd probably hate her if she was real. I'd probably find some reason to hate her. And I'd probably tear her, from limb to limb. I'd make her cry, just to watch her mascara run. But, I bet even then, make up smeared, eyes red and puffy, I bet even then she's still beautiful.

If I had a dollar bill for every time I'd been wrong, I would be a self made millionaire… but you'd still be gone.

[4] For me it was the quiet. Peace isn't a permanent state. It exists in moments. Fleeting. Gone before we knew it was there. We can experience it at any time, in a stranger's act of kindness, a task that requires complete focus or simply the comfort of an old routine. Everyday we all experience these moments of peace. The trick is to know when they're happening so that we can embrace them, live in them. And finally let them go.
(Grey’s Anatomy)

He loved her, of course, but better than that, he chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing.

[8] He’ll only break your heart, it’s a fact. And even though I warn you, even though I guarantee you that the boy will only hurt you terribly, you’ll still pursue him, ain’t love grand?

After all that’s said and done, I still think you’re amazing. I still cherish every moment I ever spent with you and every smile you brought to my face. I’ll forever be thankful that someone like you was brought into my life, even if it had to be taken away too soon. See, you were my miracle, you were my fairytale I got to live.

like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all, i still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.

[2] People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down
by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

[4] We go to school every day. We learn pointless things, but we are never taught how to love ourselves. We aren't taught how to make moments last. But I think the most unfair thing, is that at the end of high school, we are tested on something that we were never taught. We have to stand in front of each other and say goodbye.

[6] She acts like summer and walks like rain

Reminds me that there's time to change

Since she returned from her stay on the moon

She listens like spring and she talks like June

(Train, Drops of Jupiter)

Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. There are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing.

[1] Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. As you make your way from youth to adulthood to maturity, sometimes you put your arms up and scream. Sometimes you hang onto the bar in front of you. But the ride is the thing. I think the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair is messed up, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.

[2] Don't say you never left me when your eyes are fighting with your heart for the truth in the conversation. Don't tell me I'm the only one when your eyes won't stop fighting with your heart when you wrap your arms around me. Now I'm gone

[3] I want to be the girl who leaves an everlasting impression on someone. I don't want to be the type you'll forget in a week. I want to be hard to forget. I want to have the kind of impact on someone where they know they'll never find anyone else who can take my place.

[4] Tell me, how did it get this far? I think I forgot what went wrong. Well, you better think that through too because I'm done writing love songs for you.

[5] You're just like god made you, so embrace that, love on that. I know how hard it is some mornings to look in the mirror at all your imperfections and be stoked about what you see, let alone feel loved, but how about today we try? I mean, what the heck, if god sent you here looking that way I’ve got a real good feeling. We are who we are for a pretty good reason. Know today that you are adored, god adores you, and if you don't believe that, it's cool, you don't have to. It does not mean at all that you're still not adored

[6] You can say that love is not divine and You can say that life is not eternal "All we have is now" But I don't believe it.

[7] I read somewhere that if you think you're going to cry, you can recite the color of things to make it stop. Green tree. Red windmill. Blue sky. Blue jeans. Blue eyes. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him all of it, but that was crazy, wasn't it? I mean, I just met him. So what did I do? I asked him to tell me something. The amazing thing was that he did and when he looked at me, I felt not the rush of yesterday, when it seemed like the whole world was awake and alive and singing, but something else. Something big and profound and bottomless. Something that answered another question, one that I wasn't even aware that I had asked. Standing there next to an overgrown mini-golf course in the middle of the woods in North Carolina, I heard an answer. And that answer was yes.

[8] You're beautiful. With God's beauty, beautiful inside and out. (Luke 1:28)

[9] I don't care. And I’ll keep telling myself that until it's true.

[10] We fell in love with the windows rolled down chasing the sunset through another empty town.

[1] So let's say that theoretically I really like you, and theoretically even though it sounds moronically cliché and overused, you give me butterflies. And just for kicks, lets add that, all in theory of course, you may be one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and hypothetically my heart beats ten times faster when I see you. Do you think that you would supposedly (and in the most theoretical sense) feel the same way?

[2] Its that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know something you used to love so much has changed, and you long for things to go back to the way they were, but you knew all along they wouldn't

[3] If you really want to know something about me, you should know this: I like my music loud. I mean loud. I’m not talking the kind of loud where your parents knock on your bedroom door and ask you to turn it down. Please. that's amateur house. When I say loud, I mean you can't hear your parents knocking and the neighbors are putting a for sale sign on their house and moving to another block because they can't handle the constant noise anymore loud. You have to turn it up so that your chest shakes and the drums get in between your ribs like a heartbeat and the bass goes up your spine and frizzles your brain and all you can do is dance or spin in a circle or just scream along because you know that however this music makes you feel, it's exactly right.

[4] I have never been strong enough to stay. People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn’t. staying, even when you know it will break your heart, is the hardest thing. Staying right where you are, waiting for your entire world to be ripped into pieces is much harder than walking away and starting a new one.

[5] I'm trying to find words to convince you to stay, trying to pick myself up but you're getting away and I keep falling down. The words won't come out. My tongue twists in circles, keeps them trapped in my mouth but I need the ocean or the sand or the high that I felt when you first held my hand. And honey, I just don't feel right alone.

[6] We all see the same sky. Even you. It’s what we see in the sky that makes us different.

[7] May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can; and I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

[8] It’s like when you’ve been listening to music for hours, and suddenly the playlist ends; that crushing absence of sound the deafening silence. and you start to hear things that you missed before… the rain on your window, the tv in the next room. and it makes you wonder, what else could you hear if you listened beyond the song you were playing

[9] I do understand the impulse. The impulse to put your hand out and want someone to be there at the end of your reach. To want someone to be close to. To want to kiss or touch even if it's wrong. The point is, you can't control these feelings. Even if they're wrong, they're there. They're always there.

[10] She wanted something else, something different, and something more. Passion and romance perhaps or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms, or perhaps something as simple as not being second best.

[1] We're so different. We're hot and cold, fire and water. I'm loud, you're quiet. I talk, you listen. I'm crazy, you're sane, but that's why this works. You fill in my missing pieces and I complete you, and I guess that's why, despite the questions and the challenges, I still believe in us and I still believe in this. And as long as we have each other, I think we'll be alright

[2] I took my morning walk. I took my evening walk. I ate something. I thought about something. I wrote. I napped and dreamed something, too. And with all that something, I still have nothing because so much of something has always been and always will be you

[3] Hope is not about proving anything, it's about choosing to believe that love is bigger than any grim, bleak, darkness that anyone can throw at us.

[4] “I remember when the whales had wings,” she said.

“Whatever happened?” I said.

"It got to be too noisy with all the airplanes and other stuff, so they flew into the ocean and never came back. Some days,” she added, “I think about going too.”

[5] Then I sat and cried. It was the worst kind of crying. The kind that hurts your chest and steals your breath. And no one could hear me.

[6] Everything moved so slowly. Each breath she took lasted an eternity. And every time she felt like she was returning from the ocean in which she was drowning, a riptide reared up and dragged her back into the deep. But she was okay.

[7] Let's go play under an open autumn sky. Summer is over, but time still goes by. Let's run into tomorrow with our fingers entwined, This is yet another season for you to be mine.

[8] Someone asked me the other day if my glass was half empty or half full. I was going to say it's empty, but that's not completely true. My life isn't void and I have my happy moments, but they usually just seem to disappear, or get worse. So, my glass is cracked, yes -- cracked. It gets filled up with happiness and hope, but it always ends up escaping my grasp. It always ends up emptying out. It will never be full because it's always leaking. And one day, it will be thrown away, because no one wants a broken glass.

[9] Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people in the whole world. I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid worlds. Not just one world; hundreds of them, maybe thousands.

[10] We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, and heard damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves.

[11] A sudden change has brought over the breeze, and I'm cold for the first time in months. Keep me warm with your kiss. Keep me warm with your smile and your presence tonight. Please give me one last chance to prove myself, to prove my heart to you. I'm crying out to be in your arms again.

[1] She's sitting in her room again, whispering to twinkling stars in the sky, wondering when they'll come down and spirit her away. She always wishes that she could capture the blue of the sky in her pocket, the feeling she gets when the sun shines through the window and gives everything a golden glow. The way the world seems to melt together when the sun starts to hide away. Shattered hopes on the pavement are mere reflections of her tiny heart, and the glean of satellites soaring across the sky match the faded glow in her eyes.

[2] You closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too-even when you are in the dark. Even when you're falling.

[3] My expressions beamed like the sunlight in the sky, as if certain the night's blanket would cease to cover us twice. For this was a first time of many long sunsets, in which I desired for the second to last forever.

[4] I hate how you sit there and act like you know me. Let's get this straight. You used to know me. And you remember what happened with that situation? See, that girl you used to know… she left. Just like you did.

[5] She's the self-preserved, pretty but doesn't know it kind of girl, reading her books and day dreaming all day. While he's the outgoing, spontaneous, gorgeous boy with the most amazing eyes you'll ever see. They grew up from two different worlds and he'll teach her how to stand up to those who look down to her and she'll teach him how to love and know the true meaning of jealousy. While he teachers her the same without knowing it. He'll teacher her how to shout at the world without a wince because his hand is holding tightly around hers, letting her know he will never leave her, causing her to forget her fears for everything and just being able to live for once without worry.

[6] It's amazing what one person can do. Some people build you up just to bend and break you. Some people bring out parts of you that you had no clue existed. All throughout life, we meet people and every single one of them brings something to us, gives us some sort of purpose. We come across people that will hurt us so incredibly much that it seems unbearable to go on with our lives, but the truth is, we can overcome anything we want to if we believe in it enough, if we have faith in ourselves, in who we are. The most important thing in life is to find yourself. Know who you are at all times and stand by that for the rest of your life. No one has to the right to tell you who you are and control your life, 'cause it's yours. Your life is meant to be lived by no one else but yourself. We sometimes let people get the best of us, destroy us and change our opinions on what we believe is true. Only you know what's right for yourself. You have the power, you make the choices and you learn. Each experience we go through in a life is a lesson to be learned. We all make mistakes. Why is that so hard for some to understand? No one should be judged by the mistakes they have made. It's past news. Everything happens for a reason, and without the hard times, how would we ever realize our true strength? It's only through a time of suffering when we realize how strong we truly are inside, when we realize how much we can actually put up with and deal with before we eventually break.

[7] I know a girl who cries when she practices violin because each note sounds so pure it just cuts into her, and then the melody comes pouring out her eyes. Now, to me, everything else just sounds like a lie.

[8] It seems like just yesterday we would stay up late out on your front lawn talking about where we've been and all the places we're going. We would lose track of time watching cars pass us by and I would sneak back home before the sunrise, and how every day would seem so long and every night could go on.

[9] Love is the scars on your knees, the leftover food in the refrigerator, the song the birds sing, the pain you inflict, the sweet nothingness which flutters from your lover's mouth, a half-complete cigarette, diet coke which fizzles on your tongue, the rainbow sprinkles on your cupcake, the battered package you received in the mail the other day, the sound of wind escaping through a small gap in your window, the dampness in your hair, the chipped red varnish on your fingernails, your grandmother's musical box, the ballet shoes you've had since you were five, the music playing on your car stereo, the flaky paint on your walls, the bubblegum stuck under desks, the tooth-fairy, your hands and the things you can make with them, the kisses you blow, the clothes you wear, 5 a.m. morning breath, your sensitive teeth, the tingly feeling you get when you get touched at certain parts of your body, the tangles in your lover's hair, sleepless nights, overdosing on painkillers, undeserved success and recognition, telling lies and not getting caught, blacking out from consuming too much alcohol, being desired by multiple parties, solving a mathematical problem, watching the people around you, watching the people fucking up around you, screaming out of your window in the middle of the night, flaming your lover's ex, make-up sex, smudged mascara, disheveled hair and smeared lipstick, the coffee and bagel you digest on a daily basis, little children, silence, recyclable materials, trees, photosynthesis, growth, development. No. Love is you, I, and a careless mixture of everything else we worry about

[10] No one worries, unless I worry, and I am not worried.

1] Down the road the sun is shining. In every cloud there's a silver lining.

Just keep holding on.

Every heartache makes you stronger, and it won't be much longer.

You'll find love, you'll find peace, and the you you're meant to be.

I know right now thats not the way you feel,

But one day you will.

(Lady Antebellum, One Day You Will)

[2] The moon. You don't normally think about it and it doesn't really serve a purpose. But still, from time to time, you look up at it, and it makes you feel better.

[3] If you woke up breathing, congratulations; you have another chance.

[4] Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn't happened, a whole set of things never would have either? Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Don't ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever.

[5] Your ashes must be blowing everywhere, cause I could still feel you, and you're nowhere near. And though you didn't say so, I can tell that you still care. We could've had it all, but then nothing is fair. I still think about washing your hair. I wish I could've washed away all of your despair.

[6] So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

(Isaiah 41:10)

It always rains the hardest on those who deserve the sun"

[1] Inside the snow globe on my father's desk, there was a penguin wearing a red-and-white-striped scarf. When I was little my father would pull me into his lap and reach for the snow globe. He would turn it over, letting all the snow collect on the top, then quickly invert it. The two of us watched the snow fall gently around the penguin. The penguin was alone in there, I thought, and I worried for him. When I told my father this, he said, "Don't worry, Susie; he has a nice life. He's trapped in a perfect world."

Before, they had never found themselves broken together. Usually, it was one needing the other but not both needing each other, so there had been a way, by touching, to borrow from the stronger one's strength. And they had never understood, as they did now, what the word horror meant.

The shadow of years was not as big on his small body. He knew I was away, but when people left they always came back.

He knew that no one ever really looked the way they did in photos. He knew he didn't look as wild or as frightened as he did in his own. He came to realize something as he stared at my photo- that it was not me. I was in the air around him, I was in the quiet time he spent alone between studying. I was the girl he had chosen to kiss. He wanted, somehow, to set me free. He didn't want to burn my photo or toss it away, but he didn't want to look at me anymore, either.

I saw the tremor. The inside shakeoff of her heart. She was getting so good the cracks and fissures were smaller and smaller. Soon, like a sleight-of-hand trick perfected, no one would see her do it. She could shut out the whole world, including herself

He was beginning to understand: you were treated special and, later, something horrible would be told to you.

Each time I told my story, I lost a bit, the smallest drop of pain. It was that day that I knew I wanted to tell the story of my family. Because horror on Earth is real and it is every day. It is like a flower or like the sun; it cannot be contained.

I knew something as I watched: almost everyone was saying goodbye to me. I was becoming one of the many little-lost-girls. They would go back to their homes and put me to rest, a letter from the past never reopened or reread. And I could say goodbye to them, wish them well, bless them somehow for their good thoughts. A handshake in the street, a dropped item picked up and retrieved and handed back, or a friendly wave from a distant window, a nod, a smile, a moment when the eyes lock over the antics of a child

We both listened together to the rain pour down and the thunder clap and smelled the earth rising to greet us. "You look invincible"

She no longer looked haunted, as she had in high school, but still, if you looked closely at her eyes you could see the skittery rabbit energy that often made people nervous. She had an expression of someone who was constantly on the lookout for something or someone who hadn't yet arrived. Her whole body seemed to slant forward in inquiry, and though she had been told at the bar where she worked that she had beautiful hair or beautiful hands or, on the rare occasions when any of her patrons saw her come out from behind the bar, beautiful legs, people never said anything about her eyes.

She no longer believed in talk. It never rescued anything. She had come to believe in time alone.

I thought of the game Lindsey and I had played in the yard together: "he loves me, he loves me not" picked out on a daisy's petals. I could hear the clock casting my own two greatest wishes back to me in this same rhythm: "Die for me, don't die for me,." I could not help myself, it seemed, as I tore at his weakening heart. If he died, I would have him forever. Was this so wrong to want?

He could see glimmers, like the colored flecks inside her eyes- things to hold on to. These he counted among the broken planks and boards of a long-ago ship that had struck something greater than itself and sunk. There were only remnants and artifacts left to him now.

Overnight, their world had changed. It was that simple.

You and me, we've got everything we need. I'm not seeking shelter from no God-forsaken storm, Just lay with me tonight and keep me warm. Freckles on your arms, I pretend they're stars, And find new constellations right beneath my hands. I don't know, where the next six months will go, But I'm sure sunrise tomorrow will be better than the one before

What's worse than wanting something you can't have? It's not knowing what you want. Wishing on all the stars in the sky for the answers to your questions, for something to believe in... someone to hold. Having absolutely no control over yourself, being caught up in a place you wish you were miles away from. Being stuck somewhere between the past and the future, nowhere near where you should be - in the present. Stuck in yesterdays and tomorrows, so far from home, far from everything you know and love. The uncertainty could just tear you to bits.

This is for the girls who don't always win, who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to impossible--the girls that laugh, smile, and cry all on a daily basis--the girls who like, learn and regret--the girls who may never have it easy--the girls who learn the hard way and live to tell about it.

I think I'd be better off without you here. And I bet you're sweet and hard to get over. So, I'll cry and people will stop and stare. Now, that is okay. Let them stop and stare because I'm fragile, and I'm hopeless, and I'm not perfect, but I'm free.

I was once afraid of people saying, "Who does she think she is?" Now I have the courage to stand and say, "This is who I am."

The simplest questions are the most profound. Where were you born? Where is your home? Where are you going? What are you doing? Think about these and watch your answers change.

It’s amazing, some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it changes the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything; nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they don’t know it.

When i was a girl my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog followed a stranger. That made me feel so much. A calendar that showed the wrong month. I cried over it. I spent my life learning to feel less.

i kept thinking how much my life in retrospect feels like the moments captured on all the Polaroids. I kept looking at. It’s just this series of flashes, isn’t it? You wander around in the dark and then there’s this flash and something gets caught in the light like a trap. Flash. A memory. Flash. A birthday. Flash. A series of chords on the piano. Flash. She laughs. Flash. A girl in a yellow hat. Flash. A sly smile at the door and a green dress. Flash. Something you should have kept.

Love never dies a natural death. it dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds. It dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

And I'll be here by the ocean

Just waiting for proof that there are sunsets and silhouette dreams

All my sand castles will fall like the ashes of cigarettes

And every wave drags me to see

I would stand here for hours, just to ask God the question

"Is everyone here make believe?"

With a tear in his voice he said, "Son, thats the question"

Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

(Mayday Parade, I'll Be The Wings)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

lollipops turn into cigarettes. the innocent ones turn into sluts. homework goes in the trash. mobile phones are being used in class. detention becomes suspension. soda becomes vodka. bikes become cars. kisses turn into sex. remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? when protection meant wearing a helmet? when the worst things you could get from boys was cooties? dads shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? your worst enimies were your siblings. race issues were about who ran the fastest. war was only a card game. and the only drug you knew was cough medicine. when wearing a skirt didnt make you a slut. the most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and when goodbyes only meant till tomorrow?

and we couldnt wait to grow up.

Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity... Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend. I'm for Harry Potter.

I'll watch the night turn light blue, but it's not the same without you because it takes two to whisper quietly. The silence isn't so bad till I look at my hands and feel sad cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.

Friday, July 30, 2010

No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. We'd prefer to know, of course, what curve balls will be thrown our way. It's the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day, the people we never expected to show up, a turn of events we never would have chose for ourselves. All of a sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be and it's nice, or it takes some getting used to. Still, maybe you’ll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing for them, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones.

The secret isn't to find someone you love spending time with - I love spending time with a lot of people. The secret isn't to find someone that you find attractive - I find a lot of people attractive for many different reasons. The secret isn't to find someone who is nice - there are tons of nice people in the world. The secret is to find someone who wants exactly what you want. Someone who is ready to give you all they've got, and in turn be ready to accept all the love you have to give. The world is filled with people in relationship teeter-totters of "loves you more" & "I have to act mean so they will like me back" or "I am just not ready." Please do not waste any more of your precious time. You are an amazing creature. You deserve to be loved until your insides melt. Don't give up on all the things you want. When you meet the right person you will have zero doubt in your mind. Zero.

was thinking how amazing it was that the world contained so many lives. Out in these streets people were embroiled in a thousand different matters, money problems, love problems, school problems. People were falling in love, getting married, going to drug rehab, learning how to ice-skate, getting bifocals, studying for exams, trying on clothes, getting their hair-cut and getting born. And in some houses people were getting old and sick and were dying, leaving others to grieve. It was happening all the time, unnoticed, and it was the thing that really mattered.

I think everything in life is art. What you do, how you dress, the way you love someone and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea, how you decorate your home, or party. Your grocery list, the food you make, how your writing looks, and the way you feel. Life is art.

I kinda just wanna run away. Not cause things are bad, or cause there's something to run from, just cause there's nothing in particular keeping me here.

Well I don't know where I’ll go now and i don't really care who follows me there, but I’ll burn every bridge that I cross and find some beautiful place to get lost.

I’m afraid of time… I mean, I’m afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I’m afraid of the quick judgments or mistakes everybody makes. You can’t fix them without time. I’m afraid of seeing snapshots, not movies.

nd if this was a movie, I'd walk right up to you and kiss you like i've wanted to for these past two months.

But it's not.So I won't.

Just say yes, just say there’s nothing holding you back. It’s not a test nor a trick of the mind, only love. Just say yes, because I’m aching and I know you are too for the touch of the warm skin as I breathe you in. I can feel your heart beat through my shirt. This was all I wanted, all I wanted from you.

have been waiting for July to come around. I hear the summer whispering the things to come. We have been waiting for the sun to show it's face. Thank you sweet winter, but now we're desperate to move on. Go beyond the worst we've known and build ourselves a brand new home. Maybe then we'll find the time we've lost. Set us free sweet summer day, we've been waiting much too long for you to come. Save me from the worst I've known and let me relive the days I've blown away. Time has changed so quickly. It's a shame we have lost so many things that we will never find again. But it doesn't matter anymore anyways.

If you've ever had one of those times when you've clutched a pen or something else in your hand for a long time, only to look down and be surprised that you are still holding it long after your need for it had passed, you'll understand sometimes we get so use to holding that we forget to let go.

I want something else. I'm not even sure what to call it anymore except I know it feels roomy and it's drenched in sunlight and it's weightless and I know it's not cheap. Probably not even real.

We're all made of stories. When they finally put us underground, the stories are what will go on. Not forever, perhaps, but for a time. It's a kind of immortality, I suppose bounded by limits. It's true, but then so is everything.

but she had that laugh, and the sound of it was so beautiful that when you heard it, it was as if your eyes saw her through your ears and she was transformed

Living up to another person's expectation is not my thing, you can't hold a wall against me and expect me to climb. I won't climb, I’ll just break it down.

There were inconceivable sparkles and glitter floating between our bodies that night. The atmosphere, the tired eyes, everything felt just right. You lit up my life, so I sought out your shine. I managed to make you mine. What a waste of time.

Dreamers. You see everything in color, while the world is getting darker. Love is on it's way.

What I can remember is a lot like water trickling down a page of the most beautiful colors. I can't quite put my finger down on the moment that I became like this. You see, I’m the bravest girl you'll ever come to meet. Yet I shrink down to nothing at the thought of someone really seeing me. I think my heart is wrapped around and tangled up in winding weeds but I don't want to go on living being so afraid of showing someone else my imperfections. And even though my feet are trembling and every word I say comes out stumbling, I will bare it all. Watch me unfold.

I used to be such a burning example. I used to be so original. I used to care I was being cared for. Made sure I showed it to those that I love. I used to pray like God was listening. I used to make my parents proud. I was the glue that kept my friends together. Now they don't talk and we don't go out. I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed. Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.

There's a lot to have taken in over the years. All the smiles, the laughs, the tears, and the frowns. They've made us who we are today. The struggles only made us stronger, and the despairs made us wiser. If there's one thing we should keep with us, it's that life has it's purpose, and nothing was put on this planet to bring you down.

You may see yourself trapped in a black abyss with no way out. Everything just crumbles around you and you are left alone in the darkness. Utterly lost. But there is a way out... there is an escape. You just can't see it in the blackness, but just as the stars are still there during an overcast night, the hope is there. You can't see it, but as long as you believe in it, you'll be okay. And eventually, this hope will take you hand in hand away from the darkness. You'll once again realize that there is some good in the world. Yes, the bad is still there, and must be recognized, but you must acknowledge and appreciate the good. Throughout everything you must continue to have faith, continue to have hope. And once you have achieved this, you will be able to sit comfortably in the blackness, aware of the dark around you but instead focusing on the beauty of the stars.

[1] It’s not that easy to win over a girl’s heart. You can’t just look into her eyes and say ‘I love you’ and think she’ll instantly fall in love with you. You have to get to know her and show that you love her just the way she is. You have to be able to handle her when she’s mad, comfort her when she’s sad, and leave her be when she’s feeling independent. You don’t have to buy her the most expensive gifts all the time; as long as you mean everything you say and keep all the promises you make, you’ll be okay. So don’t rush things, take your time. and when you finally do tell her that you love her, make sure you truly mean it. Because chances are she needs another broken heart like you need a hole in the head

[2] I remember, right before we broke up, you were leaving the football game. and you kissed me, something you always did before you left. then, as you were going to walk away I grabbed your arm and kissed you again. long, and i made sure it was perfect. it's weird. it's almost as if my heart was telling me, "this is going to be your last kiss with him. so kiss him again."

[3] You say that the way I feel, it's all just chemicals in my brain. It's all just strange air in my atmosphere. It's all just new colors in my rivers. But you are my industry. You are my factory. You are my smoke stacks. You are my production line. You are my cheap sneakers. You are my fast food. And I'm a planet you once called home, that's nearly out of air.

[4] Maybe that’s just growing up. When you’re young, you tell yourself things like "Well, if it didn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be" as if that actually meant something, just because it sounds like it does. I think you can say something like that so blithely because you expect to stumble onto something else just as wonderful just around the next bend in the road. But people are rare perfect unique things, and just because everyone really does live a life full of farewells doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least realize what it really means to say goodbye to something that meant everything. Just because you will survive and get over it doesn’t mean you should let it go.

[5] How many moments in your life can you point to and say, "That's when it all changed?

[6] I may still not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I do know that someday I want to live in a house filled with my books and travel souvenirs. And the walls that aren’t covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. When I leave the house I will be going to a job I love, and I’ll return to a person I love. So, that’s the dream I’m working on.

[7] I was paying attention even when I told myself I wasn't. If his voice hasn't been the melody of my life, it's been the bass line, so subtle you don't notice it until it's missing.

[8] Everyone's heartbroken nowadays, but I mean, we all just have to move on. What’s the point of reminiscing when you know the person is no longer worthwhile; when they’re no longer who they used to be? When their heart is somewhere else? Do you think they still care for you, still sit there thinking about you? Because frankly, they don’t.

[9] I don't do crowds, I'd like to have company during thunderstorms, I'd like you to fall for me but it would soon turn lousy and wrong, I meant what I said, I don't want money, I just want to be wonderful.

[10] When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No… don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn’t sound very exciting, does it? But it is!

She is my rock and my rolling thunder

I've been the spell she was under

I, I love that girl

She is my cigarettes and champagne

She's got me strung but I'm not running

I, I love that girl

She is the days I can't get over

She is the nights that I call home, endlessly

For you I'll always wait

Caught in the waves of hesitation

Lost in the sea of my own doubt, endlessly

For you I'll always wait

She is the flame and the fire she's raging

I've been the spark and the war she's waging

I, I love that girl

She came along and she spoke so sweetly

Changed everything, took my heart completely

I, I love that girl

She is the days I can't get over

She is the nights that I call home, endlessly

For you I'll always wait

Caught in the waves of hesitation

Lost in the sea of my own doubt, endlessly

For you I'll always wait

And the city buzz and empty cars

3 a.m. I wonder where you are

And the crooked smiles, the worn out miles between us

Now I wonder where you are

She is the days I can't get over

She is the nights that I call home, endlessly

For you I'll always wait

Caught in the waves of hesitation

Lost in the sea of my own doubt, endlessly

For you I'll always wait

You say the reason things fall to the ground is because of gravity. I say that gravity is a word, a name you gave to a small aspect of the magic that surrounds you on a daily basis. Electricity is another name for magic. Wind is another name for magic. Water is another name for magic. Love is another name for magic. We all live in a magical place.

It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps. And I loved you. 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it with my own.

Love isn't him calming you down when you yell. It's him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and keep you grounded. It isn't him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones out of both of you, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. It's not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's him standing there, admitting he's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another person's hands and said, "Here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat, or forget I ever handed it to you"

Thoughts Last Longer than Words

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Monday, November 8, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Monday, October 18, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010

quotes from my poem document

Monday, September 13, 2010

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Friday, July 30, 2010

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