Thoughts Last Longer than Words

Dear brain, sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him.

Dear tummy, sorry for all the butterflies.

Dear pillow, sorry for all the tears.

Dear heart, sorry for all the damage.

Dear me, sorry for being head-over-heels in love with him.

"Sometimes we have thoughts that even we don't understand. Thoughts that aren't even true—that aren't really how we feel—but they're running through our heads anyway because they're interesting to think about."

I'm fine. I mean, not that I'm over it,but little by little it's getting easier to pretend it's easier, which means easier might be right around the corner.

"I wanted people to trust me, despite anything they'd heard. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors. To see beyond the relationships I once had, or maybe still had but that they didn't agree with.

Stop running after them. Just stop it. Sit down, read a book, watch the tv, go to sleep. If it's really meant to be, they'll turn around and be like, "Wait. She's not chasing after my ass anymore," and then he'll stand up, put down that book, and run like the wind to get you back.

She calls him early because she knows he'll be asleep. She leaves a message after the beep. She says she's better now but she's still incomplete. She's trying hard to make her voice sound soft and sweet. A couple of hours pass until he picks up the phone. He wasn't ready for the shock, he holds his breath now. He plays the message twice and then the dial tone. Reminds him that she's not around. It's a lonely sound.

“ At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

“ I love what you are, and what you do and how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength that carries you through. I’ve seen the best of you. I’ve seen the worst of you.  And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. And I love you..

“ Half of our mistakes in life arise from feeling when we ought to think, and thinking when we ought to feel. John Churton

“ You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of a sudden, even though you have someplace where you can put your stuff. That idea of home is gone. It just sort of happens one day& it’s just gone. & you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean, it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all a family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

I lied when I told you I forgot. I know it doesn't seem like a big thing but I wanted to tell you the truth and never, ever lie to you.

Because that's how it starts.

"What do you really want?" I asked him impatiently.

"You, I want you," he replied.

I wasn't buying it. I turned to walk away, when he stopped me.

"I want that part of you that gets excited when you hear the

ice cream truck. The part that cries when old people die in movies.

The part that cares much more than what she wears.

The part where she can totally be herself.

The part that when I look at her, I only see her.

The part where she could never give up a stuffed animal,

cause she'll feel bad for it. The part where she wants me, too.

That's what I really want"

I want to be the smile, the first thought,

the long drive or the short walk, the last voice,

the random cal, the sweet dream, the perfect kiss,

the comfort hug, the sparkle in your eye.

The everything you need,

just what you want.

I want to be yours.

Some things don't last forever, but some things do.

Like a good song, or a good book,

or a good memory you can take out

and unfold in you darkest times,

pressing down on the corners and peering in close,

hoping you still recongnize the person you see there.

Unlike him,

I can't just walk away.

I can't forget what we had.

It's not that easy for me to let go or

something that was once my life.

I guess unlike him,

it actually mattered to me.

I want to spend all my days with you...

Wrestling over remotes; playing in the mud.

Throwing each other in pools. Fighting over the last piece of cheesecake.

Killing each other over which TV show we're going to watch.

And then not watching it anyways. I want to make you mad

and then kiss you. I want you and me. Forever

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is

that they always see the past better then it was,

the present worse then it is, and the future

less resolved then it will be.

Face it boy,

you could've had her.

You lost your chance,

you should've moved faster.

She's sick of waiting,

she's finally moved on.

Sorry boy, your chance is gone.

You wrapped your arms around me,

pressing your body against mine.

And in that moment of perfection,

I knew we were meant to be.

I never wanted you to let go of me.

It's best we don't even talk at all,

don't call me even if I should cross your mind.

It's hard enough; I don't need to hear your voice on my messages.

Let's just call it quits, it's probably better. So if I'm not returning your calls,

it's cause I'm not coming back, I'm closing the door.

I used to be tripping' over missing you, but I'm not anymore.

Here's a toast

To the good days, the better friends.

The ones that you just can't live without.

The people that have taught you hot to party.

How to live. How to have a good time just sitting around.

Here are to the people that matter how bad things seems,

are going to be there for you. To lean back on and catch you if you fall.

So here's to you and here's to me,

living our lives separately.

It's a great big world &

I'm a single girl.

So I'm glad I'm leaving,

I won't shed a single tear,

wishing that I had you here.

I don't need a man to hold my hand.

I'm stronger than you think I am.

-Stronger Than You Think I Am, Rachel Ferguson

She’s hurt; mentally and emotionally.

But everyday, she walks outside

with a smile on her face,

because that’s just who she is;

the girl who never stopped smiling.

This is for the girls who don't always win,

who stay up all night listening to music that inspires them to do things next to the impossible.

The girls who laugh, smile, cry and think all on a daily basis.

The girls who like, learn, and regret.

The girls who may never have it easy.

The girls who learn the hard way and live to tell about.

Maybe we like the pain.

Maybe we're wired that way.

Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying?

Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?

Because it feels so good when I stop.

-Grey's Anatomy

We're all strangers to our parents;

they love us, but they don't really know us.

And sometimes before we get a chance to know them, they're gone.

And then you can't ask them all the things you want to know

about turnips or turkey gizzards or what they were like when they were young.

Then you never can know them, not really. Because it's too late.

- Dawson's Creek

I realize that overall, you weren't really worth it.

There were moments with you that made me really happy,

but majority of the time you just shut me out.

That's why this summer I'll try to get over you. We might've had something really great, but I guess we'll never know.

I'll never forget the good times with you, but I'll also never forget how you hurt me more than any other boy.

Now Her, She's a different story.

Her heart is currently broken.

Watch her, in all her glory.

Her smile is fake and it's well spoken.

She cries more than needed

and those tears on her cheek

are proof that she's never exceeded

But according to every guy, she's a charm

& yet she still sits there smiling;;

regardless of all the fake friends.

& the dreams that were broken.

because she will never let you see her down.

You've never lived a life without you. You can't.

And you have no idea how lucky that makes you.

Because I have lived a life without you. And a

life like that, isn't really worth living.

©alyssa-oxx

I won't tell you that I never think about him anymore, because that would just be a boldfaced lie.

Yeah, I still think about him from time to time,

but when I do think about him, I no longer smile,

and my stomach no longer gets queasy.

Of course, Ill never forget him, you just can't do that, but the thought of him doesn't make me happy anymore.

©apatheticaspirations

Everyone's heartbroken nowadays, but I mean, we all just gotta move on.

What's the point of reminiscing when you know the person is no longer worthwhile;

when they're no longer who they used to be?

When their heart is somewhere else? Do you think they still care for you,

still sit there thinking about you? Because frankly, they don't.

Music is a moral law.

It gives soul to the universe,

wings to the mind, flight to the imagination,

and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.

-Plato

I'm not gonna be like every other girl and put sad, I miss you, quotes in my profile because I'm stronger than that. And I won't trash talk you to my friends either because you were my best. And I'm not going to put winky faces in my away messages that have no meaning just so you'll be jealous. And yeah, it'll be a while before I'm completely over you. But when the day comes that you don't cross my mind, and I finally do forget you for good, please don't remember me.

She's one of those girls who doesn't know what she's doing, but she wants to know everything will be worth it one day. She isn't amazing at one thing, just good at a lot of things, and thats all she'll ever be. She wishes she could be different, but she lives her life to the fullest anyway. All she truly needs is love to keep her sane. She looks at her world like its a book, with pages being read everyday. She's her own worstenemy and hardest critic. She knows she has flaws and tries to accept them, even though she knows she never fully will. More than anything, though, she just wants to make a difference one day, and she wants someone to remember her name.

After a time, you would forget.

First, you would forget his chin, and then his nose,

and after a while, you would struggle to remember the exact color of his eyes,

and one day you wake up and, pfft, he's gone:

his voice, his smell, his face. He will have left you.

And then you can begin again.

-French Kiss

But, you know I will always love you. Just because I'm calling it quits... it doesn't mean that I don't love you. It doesn't mean that you still aren't a big part of me, because trust me... you are.

And the weird part is, when we talk, we don't even flirt. But I can still feel the connection coursing through the air. I don't laugh more than usual, I don't twirl my hair around my finger, he doesn't poke me, or reach for my hands. It's like we don't need those juvenile, high school type things to show our love. It's more than that. And it feels amazing.

she thinks about you nonstop and you're all she talks about. when she talks to you she always has that goofy smile and she truly looks happy. with one hug, you make her melt and you always leave her with butterflies. but at the same time, when she's upset it's usually because of you, but she refuses to see any bad in you. and no matter how many people try and tell her different, she believes you're perfect for her and worth every second of the wait. but she's too scared to tell you any of this because she doesn't want to screw anything up and doesn't want to end up hurt.

you think i'll sweep my heart up off the floor and give it to you, like so many times before. well, you're talking to a stranger; i'm not that girl anymore. that girl is long gone. boy you missed the boat, it just sailed away. long gone, she's not drowning in her yesterdays. bet you never thought i'd be this strong. i'm not the kind of girl that keeps making the

i miss you. not in the cute lovey dovey way; but in a fucking miss you so much it hurts. my world hasn't been the same since you walked out of my life. i wish i could tell you i'm doing fine without you, trust me, i do. but boy, oh boy, you broke my heart. i wish i could tell you that i'm happy without you in my life, but i'm really not. i really miss you.

it doesn't matter anymore; i guess things happen for a reason. tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how it's supposed to be. moving on is a process and you have to promise yourself that you're really ready to let go.

eighteen.

if she doesn't like you, she just doesn't like you. and there's a really good chance that there's nothing you can do about it. it does not mean that there is anything wrong with you, because a lot of the time, us crazy girls don't have a good reason for not liking guys. he could be funny, sweet, smart, and amazing in every way, but when we look at him, we don't get butterflies in our stomach. if we don't look forward to your texts or seeing you every day, then we just don't like you. there was nothing you did or didn't do to cause this, and the only thing you can do is get over her. because there's good odds that if she doesn't like you, she's not going to like you, and i promise you there is a girl out there for you. there's a girl that gets butterflies when you make her smile, a girl that is always smiling because of you. there's a girl that instantly responds to your text messages, because she thrives on talking to you. i promise. you'll find her. chances are she's right there, you just got to get over this girl that just doesn't like you. it's not your fault kid, she just doesn't like you.

but mostly, i cried because my life had been going full speed for so long and now it had just stopped, like running right into a big brick wall, knocking the wind and the fight right out of me. and i didn't know if i ever even wanted to get up and start breathing again.

-dreamland by sarah dessen

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The most important thing in life is to be happy; nothing else matters.

"Now that you've seen what I'm really like, can you still bear to look at me?"

"Yes, easily."

"I'm thirty-nine years old. I've got a wife that I can't get rid of. I've got varicose veins. I've got five false teeth."

"I couldn't care less," said the girl.

-Nineteen Eighty-Four

do you know why people hate to admit they are lonely? it's because when you do, everyone thinks that something is wrong with you. they think "i have people in my life, why don't you?" but the strange thing is, you can have people in your life and still be alone. no one knows that better than i do.

don't worry babe, you will see me again. you'll see me with a guy who treats me right. one that knows how to love me. you'll see all you could have had. and you'll regret. regret like hell. regret letting me go. but the thing i want you to miss the most? you'll see; i survived without you.

don't worry, he'll miss you. you're the best he could he get, and he blew it. don't let him make you think of one second that this was your fault. it's not. he screwed up, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. you gave him your heart, and you trusted him to keep it and protect it, but he couldn't. and honestly, he's not mature enough. he's not smart enough. if he was smart, he would have cared for you with every fiber of his being and been with you every spare second he could. but he didn't and now he's gone. but don't you cry. don't call him telling him you miss him. don't text him, don't message him, don't comment him, and don't talk to him in the hallways.

put your phone down and step away. sorry honey, but he's not calling today.

it makes me mad when someone says "I miss you." good, you should miss me. i'm absolutely miss-able. but it's you, you're choosing everyday not to be with me. so if you miss me, i don't care. i don't miss you.

don't follow something you really mean with 'just kidding' to make things less awkward. make someone stand there and fidget around without knowing what to say. because no matter how they react, you put yourself out there. laid it on the table. poured out your soul.

My mom used to say to me, 'You can't have fun all the time,' and I used to say, 'Why not? Why the fuck can't I have fun all the time?' -Kate Moss

i'm too stressed. and it's the worst kind of stress. it's the deep down stress that doesn't show until you're in the middle of math class and suddenly you're about to cry.

don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing you'll always be there waiting.

what is more important; what we become, or how we become it?

two.

and there's these kids i used to know, ya know, before high school happened? and most of the time, i forget about them. i mean, i have the now to live in, the new best friends, and the recent guys who broke my heart, and the guy that i want to fix it right now. but then there are times, i don't know, i'll run into a yearbook or get a random status comment from one of them on facebook, and it'll get me thinking. these kids were the real friends. they were there before i discovered hair straighteners and eyeliner. they were my friends before i realized that, well, being a bitch isn't always the best course to take. they all watched me change, and yeah, a lot of them were still there after i became what i am now. but then we separated. different high schools, new friends. it's all in the past. we're all added on facebook and myspace and twitter, and we all have each other's cell phone numbers. but it doesn't matter. we're never going to hang out again. we're never going to tell each other the playground secrets. it's all over. and well, i guess sometimes i miss them. most times, it doesn't matter. but there are days that u would give all of this up to have those kids back in my life.

you've got to risk love. it doesn't mean that you're never going to get hurt, but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love.

three.

and then i felt sad because i realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed.

if she could show you how much you hurt her, you'd never be able to look her in the eyes again.

sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

-the fray

part of me wanted to confront him and demand to know everything. while i was lying in my bed, i had imagined what i would say. but i knew myself too well to think i would really have the guts to do it.

how many times have you wanted to just sit down in a boy's lap and start kissing him but didn't for fear he'd laugh in your face? in a way an, annoying girl is in us, minus the insecurity. she's so fine with herself, you want to slap her. but you also secretly wish you could be that obnoxious without any concern for what people might think.

you're a rational human being. you can determine when someone deserves a second chance. but when it's a second chance with your feelings, it's tough to stay objective. how many times have we said, "never again." only to return to someone that's hurt us in the past because they're comfortable. i think we need to remember that, odds are, this time won't be different. this person doesn't get another shot at breaking your heart. don't be fooled twice.

sometimes, when i can't sleep, i just think of the old times. the way we used to sprint upstairs as soon as the house was empty and just kiss on your bed, my skin against yours. the afternoons when we'd roll around tickling each other and squealing with laughter. and sometimes, the only way i can fall asleep is to go back to the times when we'd lay face to face, my head on your chest and we'd fall asleep together.

when everything's said and done, i have to thank you. sure, you completely screwed me over. but, you also showed me i'm strong enough to get through even the worst heart ache.

we're just one big walking disaster. and yeah, my life would probably be a whole hell of a lot easier if i just walked out that door right now. i know that. but the thing is, i already know that there's not one fucking thing on the other side of the door that could ever come close to making me as happy as i am when i'm with you. that's why i'm here, because i love you. no matter how hard things get, no matter what shit life throws at us, there's nowhere else i'd rather be. i want to spend the rest of my life right here, right next to you.

i have strict rules about thinking about you. i can't. ever. i can't think of your name, or how you look when you're happy, or the sound of your laugh. i can't do it. because when i do, i fall apart.

so now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too.

-p.s. i love you

there were times when he caught me, but more times when he let me fall. and it finally came time for me to learn that i could pick myself up off the ground and walk away.

there's no such thing as a grown up. we move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own, but the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. we get bigger, we get taller, we get older, but for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids running around the playground trying desperately to fit in.

-grey's anatomy

"are you okay?" why do people say it? does "i'm fine." honestly satisfy you? if so, you don't mean what you're asking. i mean, come on, look in my eyes, i'm not okay. you know i'm not okay. and you asking if i'm okay is just reminding me how badly i'm not. i want someone to reach out a little farther than just, "are you okay?" instead of a question, make it a statement. you're okay. it's gonna be okay. it would mean so much more. we all need to look a little deeper. nobody is ever okay.

another thing that happens in the movies; they all have these dramatic crises where everything looks bleak and you think the couple will never, ever get back together. but then they realize that they can't live without each other, and in the end they live happily ever after. it's all a lie. when you hate someone you used to love, and you think he's done something awful, he probably has. you're not going to love him again. he's not going to apologize, or come back to you. he probably doesn't even ever think about you at all, because he's too busy thinking about someone else. face it. there's not going to be a happy ending. at least not with this hero. so don't go mooning around thinking that your breakup is only the crisis before the big romantic scene, because i'm here to tell you that it's not. when you are dumped, you are dumped, and the guy isn't going to change his mind and realize that suddenly he loves you instead of that girl he's flirting with in the refectory, now that he's free.

-the boyfriend list by e. lockhart

the past is annoying. it always shows up. in everybody's words. in every song you hear. in every block you walk. and you never get rid of it. no matter how hard you try.

Everything you have been told is a lie. Things don't happen for a reason. They just occur and you must deal with it, good or bad. People will always leave you because the potential for better is there thanks to the media. They do not care if they have to step on top of you to get to euphoria. Everybody has somebody they use. And everybody, everybody lies. They all get mad and say things they don't mean. But once they are said, they are out there, unable to be shoved back down your throat. Watch your tongue, but even more importantly, watch your back. There is always someone standing there ready to stab you.

Just once, I want to be hard to leave. I want someone staying up all night thinking only of me.

I didn't walk away because I fell out of love. I left because I was tired of fooling myself into thinking that this was anything like love.

It always works out in the movies. Always. And yeah, this isn't a movie, this is life, but you might as well pretend like it's a movie. Tell yourself that your life is a movie and that in the end, it's all going to work out. That way, you'll be more confident. Confidence is not only more attractive, but you'll be more likely to take risks, and you won't doubt yourself. With more confidence, you will succeed, and it will work out.

Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it's caving in on you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". It's saying "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel". I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And if you don't know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.

The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page. -St. Augustine

Don't blame someone for drinking too much alcohol, acting crazy, even flirt sometimes and for changing. The most common reason behind this is that they're just trying to recapture the feeling when they were still in love with someone. For it was a different feeling, not just any kind of happiness we could actually find everyday.

Thoughts Last Longer than Words

Saturday, November 27, 2010

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